Here's a big fat guy selling food. It doesn't matter if you're a former football coach, or the most recognized game commentator on TV today, fat and old doesn't make you a good choice to sell youthful exciting food. Prunes, sure.

But do you really want your spokesman associated with an effort warning people about the dangers of vascular disease, which among its' risk factors include age, poor dietary habits, obesity, and a sedentary lifestyle? Conflict of interest, wethinks.

So, uh, what is this. Rich & Meaty Meat Sauce? With Beef? BOOM! It's COOL and HIP and IN OUR FACE. EAT, VOTE, WIN!? Huh? NO! It's fucking food, calm the fuck down.

Folks, this probably can't even be considered real food, just like Madden's touched-up hand that's shoving this processed shit in our face. Call me a little skeptical of meat that can sit on a store shelf for a full year without refridgeration. If you want rich and meaty meat sauce, buy some hamburger, grab some tomatoes and whatever else you like in a sause, and BOOM, your own sauce, 6 ingredients or less. No fear of listeria.

And no - sorry - this Ragu is not, as the ad declares, a staple of tailgate parties. It says so right here in this book, and on that note, if you really need a guide on how to eat and drink beer at a football game, you truly are an idiot. (My God - they really have an Idiot's Guide to Tailgating - is this The Rapture or what?)