Check out these SUV's! The army uses 'em! Now you can too! Balls. Grit. Patriotism. That's what people will say when they see you driving down Main Street, USA to pick up your teen, soccer-playing son. And we all know that Main Street USA is littered with mines and enemy fire, just like Normandy!

Now looky here, Mr. Ad Man. Bush tells me that if I smoke a fatty, I'm supporting terrorists. Apparently, though, Afghanistan was the world's leading supplier of heroin-producing poppies before the Taliban, which received 43 million dollars from the United States, inexplicably banned poppy production. Today, after bombing the shit out of it, Afghanistan is back up to near record levels (75% of the world's heroin).

Now you're telling me that blocking multiple parking spaces, choking traffic on city streets, and guzzling Saudi oil is a good thing, even while Bush is telling me we need to start laying dynamite in the Rockies and Alaskan wildlife reserves to find more oil?

I don't know about you, but I'm fuckin' confused! The army uses Apache helicopters, too. Can I buy one of those? I'll mow down all those moose and Eskimos in Alaska myself to keep my SUV chuggin!

and ps> Anyone else find it odd that Jeep, owned by German-based DaimlerChrysler, runs an advertisement honoring a vechicle the country was fighting aganist in World War II?