Welcome to Adwhore - Here you'll find reviews of horrible adverts from popular American periodicals. See how marketing plays you the consumer for an idiot, and see how consumerism plays into the big picture. Send your scanned ads and comments to "whore" @ humorisdead.com Beer and exercise do NOT go together, no matter how you package it and no matter how much the product tastes like carbonated piss. Budweiser is now offering a beer that includes caffeine, guarana, and ginseng. What the fuck is that??? Budweiser already offended the beer drinking world twice over by 1. Making thier shitty concoction sound Czech, and 2. Making bland, if not outright repulsive, beer from RICE. Bah!

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Another appliance that offers ads!
According to LG, getting things "done" is easier when those things are invaded by television and advertising. In today's world, cooking is not a productive activity. It's a chore that needs to "get done" with the help of television. Hence, yet another combination product that encourages passivity to interfere with an activity.

We Believe The Children Are The Future [Consumers]
Painter. Olympic athlete. Scuba diver. Accomplished jazz artist. Astronaut. Excel. Something doesn't quite fit here, and I'm not sure what. We went back and considered some of the greats. Coltrane. Armstrong. Rembrandt. Jacque Cousteau. Jackie Joyner-Kersee. Can Microsoft help churn out more of these greats?

Wake Up With a Nice Package
This one should go down in the annals of what we like to call "revolutionary packaging". This particular ground-breaking design comes from the pages of Smithsonian magazine, a great magazine whose advertisers definitely consider to be read by the moneyed folks with plenty of leisure time demographic. 		BEEEEP BEEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP Hey Watch It, Jackass!
OK - so ridiculous ads featuring SUVs always seem to creep in here. This one, however, is particularly amusing, as it highlights not only the lack of mental acuity of the typical driver, but also the sheer fact that our vehicles are getting so big we need a FUCKING SENSOR TO PARK WITHOUT SLAMMING INTO THINGS.

The New Echo: 34 Trips to the Mall! Yay!

Sweet! A new car that actually drives for at least 20 minutes without guzzling a full tank of gas! I can't wait! Where should we go? How about the fucking mall! Huzzah! We've had the technology to achieve this gas mileage decades ago ... but damn, we surely didn't have this many malls to drive to!

Ohhh...Check Him Out, Ladies!!!!

With veins a-popping, New Millennium Brawny Man kneels as if proposing to you, the fair maiden reading this ad. His confident and clenched fists convey the message, "I just cleaned, and I'm hot. Yah, I'm all that." The perfect husband! What a studmuffin! There's only one slight problem though... as anyone with a working gaydar could tell you.

Eat Meaty Meat Sauce, Says An Old Fat Guy

Here's a big fat guy selling food. It doesn't matter if you're a former football coach, or the most recognized game commentator on TV today, fat and old doesn't make you a good choice to sell youthful exciting food. Prunes, sure. So, uh, what is this. Rich & Meaty Meat Sauce? With Beef? BOOM! It's COOL and HIP and IN OUR FACE. EAT, VOTE, WIN!? Huh? NO! It's fucking food, calm the fuck down.

It Tells You To Buy More - That's Smart, For Brita

Remembering stuff is hard. So you put a little timer on the pitcher that, when you insert a filter and hit Start, presents four bars representing the percentage, uh, 'filtering power' that's left. It's smart, so you can stay dumb. Bravo, technology!

2002 Ad Whore "Awfully Ironic Advertisement Of The Year

When this ad for an SUV appeared in several magazines earlier this year, the boxing glove of irony smacked a pair of slacker webizens and yet another website was born. Range Rover, with their 2002 4.6 HSE, claims victory over Earth by boldly declaring "One Planet Down, Eight To Go", accidentally letting their brand-superiority message get misconstrued into a declaration of planetary  terminus mixed with social and  environmental ignorance. As the ad portentously summarizes, "we can only wonder what lies ahead."
When will she say her first word?  When will she start school? When will she begin to talk? Who cares? When will she have her first French fry is really all McDonald's is concerned about. Hopefully soon, and hopefully she'll kick off a lifelong habit of ingesting "food" that keeps McDonald's profits as high as her chances of an early heart attack! We'll check the stats on this one.

It's a tough economy, and your employees are pretty pissed right now, since they're the ones feeling the pain while you're buying yourself a second home on Martha's Vineyard. Do yourself a favor - forget about that bidet you plan on installing and buy your disgruntled employees some shirts - with the corporate logo on them. Not only will they actually swallow this bait, they won't forget who's boss on dress-down Friday.
Smoke a fatty and you're helping  terrorists. Never mind that under Bush's new Afghanistan, opium production has hit near record levels. Drive one of these and you're fighting terrorism! The army itself used these vehicles! Now it's the populace's turn. So clog those parking spots and keep guzzling! By sucking up Saudi Arabia's oil, we're... uh...winning the War On Terror! OK - this is a cute ad and we  have a sense of humor...but let's take a look at the paradoxes technology brings. It helps us "keep in touch" with our relatives and friends. But, at the same time, it gives us an excuse to not make the effort to really "keep in touch"..as in...actually interact face-to-face. Technology: a convenient way to avoid social interaction.

A subtle reminder that oil is not the only resource that Americans waste en masse. Fidelity illustrates superfluity in this ad depicting an honest representation of the top .1% income bracket while cleverly illustrating both incompetence and obviousness in one simple spray of a garden hose.

To this HR solutions company, people are nothing more than data and should be treated as such. There is nothing inherently human about sitting in an office all day, so why pretend there is? Data in, data out. Employers need good robots.

Suzie isn't as connected as she thinks. She may *believe* she can be accessed 24 hours a day to work, but the joke is on her. She needs to go wireless. Eventually, she might even be able to have a chip implanted in her head so she can spend money without even moving!

Success means plugging in and moving money. If every appendage is dedicated to "The Deal" at all times, our society functions optimally. Money in, money out. Data in, data out. Plug up your ears with wires, get your fingers tapping away on your various keyboards and wired devices, and stick that money out there. It's good for the economy and good for you, right?

Welcome to Seoul, South Korea. If Times Square is just too passe for you, come live in a new paradise in Digital Media City. Here you'll be connected at all times, surrounded by walls of video advertising. Instant "offerings" will be beamed to your wireless handheld as you are whisked around on personal that bring you from "meeting to meeting." Get away from it all in the artificial parks!

Welcome to the future - where your leisure time and family life need not get in the way of business. In fact, with Sharp's wireless handheld, you can be physically at the beach, but mentally in the office. Instead of wasting mental energy on your family, use your family to spark mental energy to increase profits, since that's really the only important thing to think about!

Check out some linkage: Commerical Alert | Adbusters | Unbrand America